RENSSELAER, N.Y. (NEWS10) — Colonel Edward Thomas Ryan passed away at the age of 85 on June 1. In his obituary, one final note:
“I must tell you one more thing.” he wrote, “I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life. I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I’ll be buried next to Paul. I’m sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace.”
Ryan served in Vietnam at a time when being gay in the military was grounds for dishonorable discharge and a forfeiting of the right to receive most veterans’ benefits. It wasn’t until 1994, the same year that Ryan’s longtime partner Paul died, that the U.S. adopted “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” In 2011, that policy was repealed, prohibiting discrimination against anyone for their sexual orientation in the armed forces.
Thomas Tiernan served in the Rensselaer Fire Department with Colonel Ryan for over 10 years.
“He would do anything for anybody,” he said of the colonel. Tiernan was surprised by the note in the obituary.“I do feel sad,” he said. “I wouldn’t have any problem with it. Most of the people I know who work with the firehouse wouldn’t have any problem with it.”
Tiernan and Ryan maintained a friendship through the years on Facebook, and Tiernan says their mutual friends on the site were happy that Colonel Ryan got to share his final message. “I think they’re all proud…just imagine what it was for him not to be able to say anything.”
Tiernan remembered their early days together in the fire department. “The first job he went to, he was worried. I told him, ‘Don’t worry, Ed. We got this!’ We put the fire out, and he says, ‘What a piece of cake!’ That was his catch phrase. And he always used it.”
Tiernan insists that Ryan’s admission doesn’t change the way he thinks about his friend. “People have a right to live the way they want to live,” he said. “I never judge people. Most of the people that I worked with at the firehouse wouldn’t judge either.”
When asked if he thought the brigade of firefighters who worked at the station all those years ago would have been okay with the news, Tiernan replied, “Everybody accepted Ed because he was Ed. I think it would have went okay.”
Thomas says he understands why the colonel kept his personal life private, hiding his secret in the military. “It would have been mind boggling.”
Rensselaer Mayor Michael Stammel, who also worked with Colonel Thomas as a firefighter, remembered their time together. “We had a tanker fire where one of these gasoline tankers was going up the bridge and tipped over and caught on fire. I’ve never seen a guy drive a truck backwards as fast as he did in my life,” Stammel said.
Stammel later married the colonel’s niece, Cathy. “He would do anything for his family. All you had to do was pick up the phone. If you needed Ed Thomas, Ed Thomas was there for you.”
Stammel says that, among family members, there hasn’t been much talk of the note. “For me, it was not a surprise. You know, most of his nieces and nephews, that I know of anyway, sure had some sort of inkling or knew that. But again, what’s private is private, and that’s the way it should always be.”
Stammel says he respects Ryan’s decision to keep his private life private. “Did he ever come out and tell me or did I ever ask him? No. We had so much respect for Eddie Ryan that never would we broach such a discussion. I think that’s the way it should always be. Why should it be anybody else’s business unless they want to share it?”
Rensselaer City Fire Department Chief William Brooking had known Colonel Ryan and the Ryan family for most of his life. He agreed with the mayor that reading the message in the obituary was not that jarring.
“When you know somebody, know their family, eventually get to know what is going on.” He explained, “I just think, back in the day, some of the people within the fire service, you know, he wasn’t very open about various things.”
Brooking emphasized the importance of acceptance. “I’m not sure of the exact community from which he felt unsafe. I know our firefighters that are here today, when we show up, we’re here to help you. Whatever your situation is, we’re here to mitigate it and be on our way. We’re not here to judge or characterize anybody for who they are and what they do.”
Brooking remembered Thomas as a dapper guy. “I will say, Ed, never–whether it be two in the morning or afternoon–his hair was never out of place.”
