Chapter Text
I honestly didn't expect things to get so awkward so fast. Chris and I kissed. That part is undeniable, but the worst part is that it seems impossible to interact with each other in front of people now. It's as if everybody knows about this dirty little secret. We can't get to close to each other without the fear that someone will know what we did last night.
While helping mom make dinner, our fingers skimmed while reaching for the same spoon, we both flinched away as if we touched a scalding pan. When we bumped into each other while I was leaving the bathroom, we tried to avoid the other's gaze as if people could read our minds. Nick has clearly noticed, his eyes training on us throughout every interaction or word spoken to each other, an eyebrow co*cked. I can't even begin to imagine how much he already knows.
I hate to admit it, but Nick, despite being only two minutes older than me, is definitely an older brother. Even as children, he was always capable of getting me and Chris to do whatever he wanted, and he always knew everything that me and Chris did, the good and the bad. It doesn't help that because we're triplets, he kind of has a sixth sense about us. He knows when we're lying, and he always knew when we figured out that we were the ones who needed to apologize after doing something sh*tty. However, he is also the type of person who waits for us to admit to it. He lets us scramble to keep up with our lies, he lets the guilt eat us up until we finally come to him and apologize. And that is when he would tell us that he had known the whole time, that he was waiting for us to admit it.
I always hated it. I thought he had grown out of doing that, but now I'm not so sure. I see the way he taps his fingers against the table in thought, as if he's trying to figure out what exactly we did.
"How'd you guys sleep last night". Mom's question is innocent enough, but I can't help but clear my throat awkwardly in hopes that she isn't expecting an answer.
"Fine", Chris mumbles, scraping his uneaten dinner in circles around his plate.
"I had trouble falling asleep", Nick shrugs his shoulders and taps the prongs of his fork against his bottom lip.
"Matt"? I glance up at dad who wipes the corner of his mouth with his napkin before setting it back onto the table. "What about you"?
"Fine".
"Lucky for you guys, then. The neighbors were up until one in the morning screaming at each other. Kept me up for hours". He shakes his head before cutting the chicken on his plate into pieces.
"Relax dad, they're gonna be divorced before you know it", Chris laughs quietly to himself.
"That's a horrible thing to say", mom shakes her head, despite dad chuckling at the comment.
"They've only been married for like a year, to". Nick raises his eyebrows slightly as if dissatisfied in their marriage.
"The first year is always the hardest", mom sighs, seeing as the rest of us aren't going to move on from the conversation.
"Why? Shouldn't it be the easiest? I mean, that early on, they should still love each other". I feel sick to my stomach with the anxiety built up from the looks received from Nick so I push my plate away from me in hopes that it looks like I'm just to immersed in the conversation to eat.
"It's not about loving each other. It's about finding your footing. Your foundation as a married couple, especially if you haven't lived with each other prior to the wedding".
"That makes sense", Nick nods his head in agreement. "Plus, if they were still living with their parents before getting married then there's the added stress of moving and the bills".
"I'm gonna go to bed early, I'm not feeling great", I grab my plate and head to the kitchen trying my best to ignore the eyes following my movement.
I scrape my uneaten food into the trash and let out a shaky breath.
"What's going on with you"? I flinch at Nick's voice behind me and turn around to see his arms crossed over his chest, a small smirk on his face.
"Jesus", I groan rubbing the space in between my eyebrows in attempt to relieve the tension there. "Nothing. I'm just not feeling good".
"Right. Ok". He turns around and shakes his head at the obvious lie.
Mother of God, he already knows. He has to know. f*ck.
I practically sprint to my room, my door not slamming behind me as I thought it would, but it instead is pushed back open.
"Dude, what the f*ck was that"? Chris hisses.
"Why did you follow me? How do you think that looks"?
"You need to relax, okay? Nobody knows". He grabs both of my shoulders and gives me a slight shake that he most likely thinks is comforting, but it really just feels like he's trying to shake some sense into me.
"Nick most definitely does".
"How would he know? All he knows is that we're acting weird. That's it. He could never guess the reason". His eyes are softer now, his thumb rubbing circles across my collar bone. "We're fine". I exhale deeply trying to shake my nerves. "We're fine", he repeats, his nose skimming mine as he draws his face closer to me. His breath fans over my cheek, and I close my eyes to savor the wave of calmness his close proximity gives me. His arms wrap around my waist, pulling my body against his.
His lips are on mine before I know it, soft and merciful, reviving the faith I had in him the night before.
He pulls away enough to where just our foreheads are pressed together. “Please, just relax”.
“I’m fine. I’m cool”. My voice wavers as I speak and not even I believe the words coming from my mouth.
“Nick doesn’t know. Nobody knows”. He seems to breathe a stillness into my bones, and I’m realizing now that he always has. He can calm my shaking fingers with a simple touch, and can relax the tense muscles underneath my skin.
He’s the clouds in the blistering heat, giving shelter to even the most exposed. He’s the sun in the coldest of winter, giving warmth to every scope of the earth.
His fingers push my hair out of my eyes so that I can see him clearly. “You good”?
“I’m good”.
I am, and I always will be at peace as long as Chris is close. As long as he is near.
